Monday, March 19, 2007

"If it isn't broken, then why fix it?"

Ok, so my fears with J materialized last night in an instant message conversation. We didn't break up, but I am afraid it is only a matter of time. I was talking to a friend about it last night and said that I am the opposite of a lot of girls. I have heard people say "if only a guy would get to know me, he would realize that I am great and like me." Well, I have no problem getting guys to like me (I know, poor me) but once they get to know me, they decide they don't like me anymore.

Not to reveal too much info about my relationship, but J said that he is afraid that the physical part of our relationship is the "glue holding everything together." We only make out, nothing more. I am trying so hard to not be that girl and here I am being her again.

I asked him three times if he wanted to end it, and he said no. He said that he was just having these doubts and wanted me to know. He also said that the distance sucks, and said "I don't know how I would feel about us if I lived in SLC and saw you every day." He said that so far we have made things work and that is when he said the title of this post. He also feels guilty that I have committed to him and have so many other options, but that he doesn't have any in Roosevelt so I am sacrificing more. He ended the conversation with saying that he hopes he can come and see me this weekend.

I'll admit it, I took everything he said personally and cried a lot last night (he doesn't know that). I thought about just ending it, I hate hurting and I can only foresee this ending badly, but part of me feels like I should stick it out. I really need you girls. Let me know what you think. I hate dating, it hurts.

1 comment:

Alissa said...

I don't know him, so I can't interpret what he is trying to do or say. But it sounds like he is wanting to see where your relationship goes, but he is also making sure that he leaves himself an exit route. I hope that doesn't sound harsh, but if you like someone enough, then you commit to it. Yes, the distance sucks, but it is not impossibly far. I hate when people do the whole "it's unfair to you" thing, because it seems like a cop out to me. You are an adult and can decide what is right for you and what isn't, you don't need him to do that for you. I wouldn't ask him if he wants to end it again, as that might only make the conversation take a wrong turn. I don't like to think that he is leading you on, dragging this out. If he didn't like you, then he would end it.