Conspiracy Theory

I suppose I need to write another blog so that the super depressing one I last wrote won’t be the blog everyone reads and then assumes I am still depressed and moping around. I do have my moments, the weather has suddenly turned to winter and my body would much rather hibernate than emerge out of my electric blanket each morning- but I do emerge and life goes on.

I like my job. I might even say that I love my job. I just love having a job (being able to pay my bills always makes me happy) and I love the people I work with. They are hilarious, fun and smart and I don’t dread going to work each day. I have the best possible schedule for me 10am-6pm. I am NOT a morning person and so this schedule really works. I work at a hospital and I interact with all sorts of people all day long (mostly people who are psychotic, suicidal or drug addicts) and it’s exciting most of the time. Today I was told I was “part of the conspiracy” by one patient and another announced that they were a prophet. It’s totally great.

I have been spending a lot more time with my friends lately. We have kinda been doing our own thing for a while and so it’s always nice when we get back into the habit of hanging out. I have amazing friends. They always make me feel better. I especially love that I have been spending more time with Erin. She and I have been having sleepovers and it feels like old times.

This is the most boring blog post ever. But I wanted everyone to know things are looking up.

Today is Kumran

If I was any good at writing poetry, I think now would be a good time to write it. I am feeling so many different things and I think that it would make some amazing prose or at least lyrics to a song. Unfortunately, that has never been one of my strengths. It just doesn't translate- my emotions onto the paper (or blog post) anyway.

This month has been hard. This week has been hard. Today has been really hard.

I need a reprieve. I need to know that the hard decisions have been the right decisions. And I sure wish, for once, my heart and my mind were on the same page- or at least in the same book.

My stomach has hurt for days as has my head. I am not even sure which thing is making me the most sad because I seem to be sad about everything- or everyone. Believe me, I know I am being cryptic, I am just hoping that some documentation of how I am feeling will be cathartic. I could really use a good emotional purging at the moment.

All that I want to do is listen to Bon Iver and drink chai tea and somehow that is helping- or at least not hurting.

Everything that happens is from now on. Whatever the hell that means.

The Quest Continues

On Friday I went to Market Street Grill with my coworkers (that's right, I said COWORKERS. I have a job!!!!! Talk more about that later) and I knew I needed to try their Shirley Temple.

Here's how it rated.

1. Presentation- about the same as CPK. Pretty, boring glass, but fine. 3.

2. Only one cherry. 1

3. The waiter was great about this. He was really excited about getting me a Shirley Temple and he brought me three, yes three! 4

4. I didn't pay for this lunch so it was free! I don't know how much it would have been if I was paying. 4

5. It actually tasted great. Wasn't too sweet, it was really good. 4

With a total score of 16/25

I got this one at Z Tejas at the Gateway.

1. Well when I saw the cherries I was super excited. But it's still in a boring glass. I liked that the four cherries weren't just dumped in the glass, but the waitress didn't bring me a second one even though she said she was getting me one and then she said she was getting me one to go and never did! BOO. 1

2. Four cherries, four points. 4

3. The waitress bugged me! She talked way too much. Didn't come back when we needed her and when she did come back, she wouldn't leave. Oh and she did not deliver on her promises about the Shirley Temples. 2

4. $2.50. 2

5. It wasn't strong enough. It tasted like soda water. Even though I sounded mad about her not bringing me another one, I was kinda glad because it wasn't good. 1

Z Tejas Shirley Temple Score 10/25

So far, Market Street is the front runner.

People have asked why I am doing this. I was thinking about this today in Relief Society. We had a lesson about taking care of our bodies and not doing things that defile it. There was a whole discussion about the internet and trying to portray ourselves a certain way on the internet when we really aren't that way. I thought about my blog and didn't feel guilty. I feel like I portray myself exactly as I am.

As far as the Shirley Temples, this is me. I love Shirley Temples. Maybe it's a vice, all that sugar and artificial color, but it's an honest vice. And I want to find the best one. I'm obsessed.

My Quest

I have decided to find the best Shirley Temple in Salt Lake City. Or maybe in Utah. Or maybe in the WORLD . . . mwahhhaahhhaaaaa! So, I am documenting my search. I am judging the Shirley Temple with 5 main criteria. One- presentation, this will include glass, color, how quickly the waiter brings me another, etc. Two- how many cherries they put in the glass without me asking for them. Three- the waiter's reaction when I order said Shirley Temple. Four- price. Fifth and finally- TASTE!

So I need a deadline, because lets be honest, this could go on forever. I am going to test out 20 different Shirley Temples and then choose the best one!

The first one was tonight. I went to the 9th and 9th street fair and then to the Gateway to window shop. We stopped at CPK and had a pizza and decided that it's now or never and ordered a Shirley Temple.




Here's how it rated.

ONE-As you can see, it was just in a simple glass, but a pretty red color and the waiter brought me another one when my first one was getting low, without me even asking. I give presentation a 3 out of 5.

TWO-Each Shirley Temple had one cherry in it. I like more than that, but some places don't give you any. So CPK gets a 1 out of 5 for number of cherries.

THREE- When I ordered the Shirley Temple the waiter didn't even flinch. He acted like I was ordering something super normal and everyday. I give them a 4 out of five.

FOUR- $2.49. Kinda pricey. I give them a 2 out of 5.

and FIVE- I said that it was "pretty good tasting, but sweet- too sweet." so I give it a 2 out of 5.

For a total of 12/25. This is just the first of many, but I hope I can find a better one somewhere.

Then we went and saw District 9 which was AMAZING. I loved it, seriously. It was totally intense.

Let me know if you know of places that have good Shirley Temples, I will find the best one, if it kills me . . . death by maraschino cherries!

I didn't mean to miss your birthday baby . . .

I was born in New Jersey. Did you know that about me? Well, it's true. In fact I spent the first 4 years of my life in New Jersey and I cried and cried when we moved to Wisconsin because I didn't want to leave my red house. I don't remember much, I hardly remember the red house, but I do believe some of New Jersey has stayed with me throughout my life. The biggest part being my love for Bon Jovi. There is really no other explanation. I love Bon Jovi because I was born in New Jersey, I just know it. This week I busted out the old Ipod that I haven't listened to in ages and played it on shuffle. As I was driving home tonight, to my surprise and great pleasure, Bon Jovi's I'll be there for you came on and I sang my little New Jersey born heart out. Hearing this song brought back so many memories- sitting in the back of the bus in third grade looking at Jon Bon Jovi's poster and thinking he was the cutest thing ever in his tight spandex pants, crazy hair and bandanna. Jump then to middle school when Ginger and I made a bet that it was Bon Jovi that sang I'll be there for you and Skid Row that sang I'll Remember You, I won that bet, but I don't remember all the logistics. Then in High School when I was embarrassed to admit one of my favorite songs was Blaze of Glory- embarrassed no more, I freaking love that song. In more recent years when Jon Bon Jovi was on Sex in the City and I, once again, thought he was so cute (thank goodness he was minus the spandex and bandanna- still has somewhat crazy hair though). And then to tonight where the flame was rekindled.

I blame it on my birth place.

Unemployment

Receiving the new title of Master as well as CSW (certified social worker) has also provided me with another title- unemployed. It's funny how one minute I can be a student and the next somewhat of a failure. Everyone asks you what you do or where you work and it is getting harder and harder to choke out the words "nothing" or "nowhere". I know, I know, I am still new in the job search game, but my patience is wearing thin. Just because the loans stop or school stops or there aren't jobs doesn't mean I don't still have to pay my bills. And I am not at all being picky. I am sending my resume EVERYWHERE, even for jobs I am super over qualified for. The only response I have gotten are for out of state positions, of which I am interviewing, but not one job in Utah has given me the time of day. Maybe it's a sign.

Ok, so to my avid readers (I am sure I have a few) if you hear of a social work job anywhere, send it my way. I will apply for it and then I will bitch and moan about how they have never called me back.

If only

The construction on our street starts at 7am. It's loud, oh so loud. I actually put ear plugs in this morning.

Still in my pajamas . . .

and it's almost 4pm. The job search is at a standstill. I am trying, really I am, but I just can't seem to find anything or hear anything back. Ugh. Discouragement- what a dirty word.

Last night I watched home videos with my mom from when I was 8. We watched my baptism, vacations, birthday parties, we watched me dancing in the back yard, dancing while we're camping, dancing in the basement (hey, I REALLY liked to dance). It made me nostalgic for simpler times. It made me want a family of my own. It made me want to dance like an 8 year old with no inhibitions.

It was my mom and brother's birthdays and we celebrated them last night. Man, I love my family. They're kinda crazy. But I love them. While I was there I asked my dad for a father's blessing. It was such a comfort to hear words of guidance and love. I know that things will work out, it just doesn't feel that way sometimes.

I will leave you with the song I loved to dance to as an 8 year old. I may or may not be dancing around my room to this song right now.

What's love gotta do with it?

I was explaining to someone the other day how I think I fall in love with every guy I date (or have a crush on) just a little bit. They said that it sounded like a line, but it's true! I am a hopeless romantic and part of me just falls hard. The problem with falling hard, frequently, is that I also seem to get heart broken frequently and can't seem to get over the heartbreak, all the while falling in love just a little bit with someone new (are you following me?). I am sure it isn't the worst position to be in, but it's not the best either. To be in a constant state of heartbreak and twitterpation can not only be confusing, but can also be quite exhausting. I have this idealistic, optimistic side that sees me riding off into the sunset on a white horse with prince charming during or even after he destroys my heart.

I don't know where I was going with this. It was just an observation of how truly messed up I am. The end.

Today I didnt even have to use my a.k.

I got this in the mail-



My stomach was tied up in knots, I couldn't sleep at all last night. This morning I sat in a cold room and stared at a computer for three hours and walked out with this-


I went for a walk and found this for FREE at the side of the road-



These showed up at my door because someone was thinking about me-



I went to dinner with Maren and Aliah and Maren bought me this to congratulate me-



I went to see these guys for free-



Today was a good day.