Monday, November 16, 2009

Self Preservation

When you've been hurt, you learn how to protect yourself from feeling further pain. By "you" I mean "me" of course. I do things like delete people from facebook or from my cell phone- not to be dramatic or to get back at anyone, but as self preservation. Sometimes I just can't stand to see what is going on in their life or see pictures of them or have the temptation of contacting them, because I ALWAYS regret it. I even make sure that I don't go anywhere where I might run in to them or into someone that might bring them up in conversation or make me think about them too much. Not forever, just until it doesn't sting anymore.

I went to a restaurant for dinner recently and when I walked in, there he was, sitting at a table, staring right at me- the one person I really didn't want to see again(or the one person I would give anything to see again, I can't decide). And my stomach dropped. Just as I was about to acknowledge him and say something super friendly and act like I was super ok, he looked away, like he didn't even know who I was. I then looked around at the rest of the people at the table and didn't recognize a single person (which I thought I would). We sat at our table in the restaurant and his back was to me. I realized that everyone was speaking another language and I don't think it was the second language that he speaks- but I couldn't be sure. I watched him through the dinner, he had the same look, the same mannerisms, the same EVERYTHING, but it couldn't be him. He isn't supposed to even be here. But I hate how it made me feel. I hated that we treated each other like perfect strangers (even though we probably were) and I hate that even right now, even though I am about 99% sure it wasn't him- I feel sad about it. I am writing a blog about it for goodness sake. What's going to happen when I actually do run in to him? Ugh.

Self preservation is a bitch.

Thursday, November 12, 2009


I went grocery shopping this week and honestly it has probably been over a month since I have done that. That's always a tough position to be in, because then you want everything because you don't have anything.

And I bought these-

Yes, Vienna Sausages. I love them. Weird, I know. But it's true. I am aware that they are totally disgusting, but ever since I was a kid I have loved these chicken, beef and pork sausages in chicken broth- on crackers of course. We used to get them when we went on road trips. I bought them (4 cans to be exact) and I just can't get enough. We had a Sunday school lesson about food storage and I have decided that if I stock up on these babies I should be able to survive through anything, because I know they will survive.

I also bring this up because in just two short weeks I will be going on a mini road trip and I am so excited. Erin and I are going to BOISE!!! Yeah, that's right. But that is not the exciting part, it's WHY we are going to Boise that is great. The day after Thanksgiving Erin and I are going to Boise to see The Swell Season. Their Salt Lake concert is sold out and so we decided, why not drive to Boise? This will be my third time seeing them and I am just as excited as the first time. Plus I get a mini road trip. I'm bringing the Vienna Sausages . . . don't tell Erin.

I hope he sings this heart wrenching one.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

You talk, I listen

When I was younger my parents loved their talk radio. Anytime we were in the car they would listen to it and it would drive me crazy. I hated it. I hated it so much. I just wanted to be listening to the top 40 of the time or one of the many tapes I had acquired and listened to on repeat. Now that I think of it, I am sure my parents hated listening to everything I had on repeat as much as I hated their talk radio- nah, that couldn't be true. ANYWAY. I don't know if it's an adult thing or what, but guess what? I love talk radio. More specifically, 88.3 KCPW, NPR talk radio. If I am in the car, I am most likely listening to it. If I am at the gym (Big IF these days) I am listening to a podcast from it. I can't seem to get enough. Whether it's the news or it's one of the many programs they provide- I just love it.

I am also one of those people that loves This American Life. Yeah, Yeah, I know- me and the rest of the entire world, but I find it interesting and funny, sometimes sad and often captivating. And I think I have figured out why. I don't know about your group of friends, but my group of friends loves to share stories. Have you ever found yourself at a "party" or a dinner or something and at the end of the night everyone is just sitting around sharing stories about work, or their childhood or their hilarious southern mother? We do all the time. And I think it's great. You learn so much about other people and what makes them who they are. I think that is why I like This American Life. It's like sitting around in someone's living room listening to stories. It's great.

So I would like to apologize to my parents for my whining and complaining as a child. Because I am sure if I had listened, just once, without wishing that I was actually listening to Paula Abdul, I just might have learned something (not that Paula hasn't taught me anything).

So for you, my all time favorite episode of This American Life entitled Fiasco! I promise you'll laugh out loud.