We never change, do we?

I was thinking about my blog this week and it has definitely become a journal for me. I don't really write in a journal. I have one and occasionally I write down some pearls of wisdom, but for the most part I go months and months without writing. When I was on my mission I kept a journal almost everyday. I was very diligent about it and I am really glad that I did. I often make a goal to write in my journal and I am good about it for a while and then I fall behind, once again and then there is far too much for me to write and I feel overwhelmed.

A friend was over the other day and he got a hold of my childhood journal. This journal has all of my crazy thoughts form 1987 to 1999 (I told you I don't write that much). Anyway, I was totally embarrassed as he began to read aloud my secret thoughts- embarrassed through the laughter. I really went into great detail on a lot of things- silly things. But they were important at the time.

Here is the funny little entry of my first kiss. Now I need to tell you that I must have talked about Billy a hundred times before this entry- so this was a LONG time coming. I just want you to understand how silly I sound. I am including all of the spelling errors. Oh and please notice how they came over for dinner and then later we went to Denny's. That's how we did it in Florida, the beach and Denny's our only hang outs.


January 29, 1995

Hello. It's been a very long time sense I've written. ALOT has happened. Over X-mas break Billy, Josh, Spencer, Cindi and Alissa all came over for dinner. We wanted Spencer and Cindi to meet each other because they are both out at BYU. Anyway, after dinner we all went to the beach and Denny's. Me, Josh, Alissa and Billy all went to Alissa's house (Spencer and Cindi went home). Well, the four of us watched "Speed" and when it was over it was 4:30am and me and Billy were sitting on one couch while Alissa and Josh were on another. It was very dark in there and YES Billy FINALLY kissed me!! Can you believe it? 16 years old and (the loser that I am) Billy Bay, the boy I have had a crush on for 2 years was my 1st kiss!!! Personally I think he did it because he knew he was going on his mission and it was just a "thing I have to do before I leave".

Side note: Years later, when my father became bishop, Billy was his second counselor and married the girl who was his girlfriend when he kissed me (scandalous).

Later on in that same entry I wrote about Billy's farewell and how I was so sad. Here is what I said (I am embarrassed to even be putting this in here, but it is so so so funny):

I have never cared about a guy as much as I have cared about Billy. It is more then me just liking him though, he has become one of my closest and BEST friends that I have ever had and I love him. Honestly I think today is the first time (probably won't be the last) that my heart was broken. And although it really hurts, I am so glad that Billy was the one to break it.

HA! I am so dramatic. Sad part is, if I still wrote in a journal I am sure it would sound pretty much the same.