Oh, Holden

I am really glad that I decided to read The Catcher in the Rye recently. Not only did I love that book, but for some reason hearing that J.D. Salinger died means something different to me than I think it would have.

If you have never read it, please do and if you have, read it again. I think I just might.

“What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff — I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's crazy."

Complacent

I have been thinking a lot lately about what is important to me and what I want out of life. I had an experience that I hope I can put into words and actually make sense of. I have been trying to be more “active” at church. Now, first let me tell you, I attend church every Sunday (all three hours), teach relief society and occasionally do my visiting teaching- so I am not exactly “inactive”, but I wasn’t doing anything else. In fact, I had been feeling quite complacent. I had something happen recently (I won't go in to the details) that forced me to really look at myself and what things I have been missing in my life. So I made a decision that I was going to attend more church activities. This included FHE and firesides. I haven’t been to a fireside in years- seriously. I listen to the CES firesides online sometimes, but can’t remember the last time I attended a ward fireside. Sunday I attended a ward fireside. The speaker was a ward member’s grandfather who had grown up in WWII Germany. As I sat in the chapel among the other ward members in attendance, the ward building had a different feel than it did during the day. I had this overwhelming feeling of déjà vu- the feeling that this is exactly where I needed to be, the feeling that I had once made certain things a priority and a part of my life-but they had stopped being a priority at some point and I wanted those things to be a priority again. I hope that made sense. I guess what I am trying to say is that I have been in the habit of filling my time with things that have no meaning. They weren’t necessarily bad things, just not edifying things. And on Sunday I realized that I wanted that to change and I am consciously making an effort to do that. Not just with firesides and such, but with the people I surround myself with and the media I watch or read or listen to. I need things that build me up and not break me down.

I am heading on a cruise for a week and I fully intend on taking some time to enjoy the beauty all around me (I am not talking about cute cruise boys either). I am talking about the beautiful world around us that is truly a gift. I am going to take some time to relax and reboot. I am going to take some time to think about what is really important to me. I'll let you know what I come up with.

(oh I am also planning on eating lots of food)

Saturday funnies

Went to the movies with my mom and my friends. My mother wore her full length mink coat to the movie because she "never gets to wear it anywhere" (truth be told, she wore it once driving her school bus and my father was furious with her- hilarious). She also brought treats to the movies . . . in a cooler . . . which consisted of cheese, crackers, pickles, olives and tootsie pops- fancy food. I now understand the need for a mink.

I love my mom.

So many dates . . . but not the kind you're thinking of

I love dried pitted dates. I always have. It kinda makes me feel like a grandma, but I find them quite delightful. However, as I was eating them today, every time I grabbed one to eat, I couldn't help but think that they reminded me of cockroaches. Gross huh?














But I just kept on eating them.

Pylones

Have you heard of this store? I hadn't either until just recently, but I love it. My coworker and friend Anni bought me this really cute birdie that is magnetic and holds my paperclips and when you grab one, it tweets. I love it.



I looked at their website for an hour today. I think it would be the perfect place to get presents for birthdays or weddings or just 'cuz. Here are some of my favorites:

Cheese Grater


Broom and Dust Pan


And Super cute Tweezers


Check them out here.

And if you're a friend of mine, consider yourself lucky, you might just get something.

I hate my guts

I have mentioned this before, but I am pretty sure there is something wrong with my insides. I went to the doctor and I am trying some different things, but not having much of an improvement. It’s pretty frustrating because sometimes I hurt so much it messes up every day life. Work is harder. Hanging out is harder. Everything is harder. I have had a pretty good couple of days and I am reluctant to say that because I don’t want to jinx it. UGH.

On a happier note, I am so glad that I can see the mountains again. This inversion thing wasn’t helping anything. I feel like spring could be right around the corner and then summer and that makes me unbelievably happy.

Know what else makes me happy? In 8 short (I hope) days I am going to California to get on a boat for 7 glorious days on the sea and stops in Mexico. This was the cruise I was supposed to take in May but the swine flu messed everything up. But now I am grateful because I really want tons of food and sunshine. TONS of food. I fully intend on gaining ten pounds. What do I care? No one to impress and I am so broke that I will have to starve myself when I get home because I won’t be able to afford food (kidding).

My loans go into repayment next month, I just bought a car and I have other bills necessary for life. I need to win the lottery or find a sugar daddy or hit Oprah up while I still can.

Being a grown up is hard- it’s not as easy to get hand outs.

I'm conflicted

So do I call it two thousand ten or twenty ten? I just don't know. I feel like they are two separate camps and I am not sure which camp I want to commit to. My life is so hard.

I am struggling to feel comfortable in this new decade. I keep writing '09 on everything, but I normally catch myself and before I write the nine I throw a one before the zero. It just seems so weird. But I love it. This year is going to be amazing. I dub it the year of no expectations. When I say this some people start to freak out and think that means I am giving up or I am depressed or something- but no, it is the complete opposite. I am hopeful and I am allowing whatever is to happen to happen this year. I am open to whatever. How exciting is that?

My New Year's Eve was awesome. I decided I was going to stay home (after a brief singing gig at temple square) and do what I did when I was a little girl to celebrate. Aliah and I pinned a sheet to the ceiling (wall) and stuffed it full of balloons. At midnight, we pulled the sheet down and stomped on balloons with high heels as we got totally wasted on Martinelli's. BEST. NEW YEARS. EVER.







I am so excited for this new year and especially this new decade. Bring it on 2010- whatever you may bring.