Sunday, June 29, 2008
Total Cheese Ball
So a few weeks ago I was kinda down in the dumps- I was talking to my mom and she quoted Jesus for me "I never said it would be easy I only said it would be worth it." This was the same conversation where she insulted my hair, so I was already annoyed. I told her that Jesus never said that. She then said, "well lots of people at church have said it over the years, and it's true." Maybe she does have a point. Life isn't easy, but it sure is worth it. Right? Hmm, right.
So many things lately have been reminding me of when I was younger- I totally loved cheesy Mormon stuff. I did! I lived for it. I went to every girl's camp, youth conference, EFY- stake dances were like the best weekend of the whole month. We got to be around other Mormons and dance like idiots or see our crush that lived hours away. I even listened to EFY music for fun sometimes. I was an EFY counselor one year just so I could hold on to the "magic". I had Mormon Ads on my wall, I loved seminary, I loved the movie "on the way home", I couldn't get enough of Jack Weyland's books (Michelle and Debra was my FAVORITE).
But something changed. I often say it was my mission that changed me. I somehow became more cynical, less cheesy and pretty much completely opposed to the cheese. Someone saying in fast and testimony meeting that one day they will go to heaven and Jesus will give them a big hug no longer causes the goosebumps, but now forces my eyes to roll. I would rather have a factual doctrine based scripture backing them up then some ridiculous Mormon myth about how the missionaries came to their house when no one was home and their dead grandmother scheduled the first discussion.
What happened? Have I just grown up? Or have my life experiences given me a tough outer layer?
This past week I went to pick up my little for our weekly outing. I had to pick her up at the young women's activity, they were preparing for their Mormon trek (in Florida they don't have these, but if I had lived in Utah I guarantee you I would have gone). The young men and young women were out on the Field square dancing. There was an announcer telling them how to dance. It looked like so much fun. Not so much the square dancing part- but the interaction they were having with one another- the laughing and the playing. I got this homesickness in my heart. Homesickness for being a teenager again? Maybe. I just missed the young women's program. I missed the things that helped me grow up strong in the gospel and helped me to first feel and understand the spirit. I missed the things that have enabled me to still have a testimony today. I missed the cheesiness of it all.
And I still do.