Wednesday, May 5, 2010

What is not given to man?

I have not been the best blogger as of late. I have been extremely busy with work and with spending time with a certain someone that my blogging has gone out the window. I may have a lot of time on my hands, since the certain someone and I will no longer be spending that much time together (if any at all).

It’s been an interesting couple of days for me. I have so much happening all at once. My schedule has changed to an hour later (11-7) which may be difficult, we’ll soon see. I am moving out of my house at the end of the month and trying to find a place and that really stresses me out. I find it incredibly nerve wracking. Financially it will be a strain due to the increase of rent (I am moving in alone- which I LOVE, but will make money tighter). Then packing up all my junk and moving it to a new locale will have it’s own stresses. I also might be taking on another job in the mornings; it’s in the works . . . maybe. And now a breakup. Not really the perfect timing to lose my most recent support system, but is it ever a good time?

I’m sad. Of course I’m sad. Things were great and then they weren’t. That’s how it goes; they “love” you until they don’t. Or I “love” them until I don’t. So this has caused me to think a lot about love. Last night, when I was crying and distressed and seeking comfort and relief, both of which were impossible to find- I went to my best friend Erin. She took me in, cooked me dinner (which I only ate two bites of), put me in a hot bath tub, read me a story and cried with me. I felt comforted and loved but the pain was still there- it will be a while before that pain dulls. But she was there right when I needed her.

She read me “What Men Live By” by Leo Tolstoy. She read, we cried and she read some more. It was a beautiful story of love and compassion. One of the things I struggle with is knowing what I am to learn from heart breaking situations, especially when there is a common theme, a common thread and ultimately a common denominator (me). One of the main points of this story was “it is not given to man to know his own needs.” Only God knows what we need and sometimes that is a hard thing to swallow.

The thing I do know is that I am a loving person. I cannot stop loving or serving others just because it could mean my heart could get broken. Falling in love is wonderful and the risk involved is worth it- although right now it doesn’t necessarily feel that way.

I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father knows and loves me and only he knows what I need. So I will rely on him to help me through this and guide me to those things I truly need.

Although, a crystal ball would be nice.


Sarita said...

I love and miss you. And wish that I could be there to cry with you. He does know what you need and will see that you receive it.

Erin-Marie Faler said...

"I knew before that God gave life to men, and desired them to live; but now I know something above and beyond that.
"I have learned that God does not wish men to live each for himself, and therefore He has not revealed to them what they each need for themselves, but He wishes them to live in union, and therefore He has revealed to them what is necessary for each and for all together.
"I have now learned that it is only in appearance that they are kept alive through care for themselves, but that in reality they are kept alive through love. He who dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him, for God is love."

fünf said...

I love you. Times like this make me curse distance. So glad you and E have each other. Time is a funny thing- you never know what it will do. One day at a time- one step in front of another. I love you.

Steph & James said...

I love you girl. I wish I could be there for you in person. You are a great strong amazing beautiful woman! I am glad Erin is there for you. Hang in there!

Brenna said...

It seems to be a theme - sending love to you from afar... So here is some from Alabama! Hang in there Angie. Continue to trust the Lord. Don't listen to Grey on repeat for too long. And above all - know that you are loved. By so many of us that know you.

Ninny Beth said...

here here, angie-girl. here. here. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox