I am really not bitter, I just had some thoughts and wanted to share them. I totally want to be in love and believe in love and think many people do it right. I have just seen some pretty crappy things go down lately and it shakes my faith a bit.
So I am questioning this whole love thing. Lately a lot has been happening around me in my friend's love lives and in my own at times that really makes me question it. Love has been the catalyst for wars, the topic of practically EVERY song and/or story and basically rules our lives. I am talking about romantic love of course. I am not going to argue the importance of family love or godly love. But this whole Eros thing kinda pisses me off. "All ya need is love", sorry Beatles, if that were true a lot of our lives would be a whole lot sweeter. Oh and those thinking that love is this huge all encompassing thing is going to hit us and be so wonderful that it will complete our lives in such a way that we will just know- like a lightening bolt or a sign from God and then it will just be easy from then on out- Well, I don't believe it. You can call me cynical, but I prefer realistic.
I am so sick of hearing about marriages falling apart due to infidelity, or relationships not happening because "I just didn't love them enough" or "We fell out of love". And then don't even get me started on people blatantly seeking companionship/love or even physical gratification outside of marriage. What is THAT all about? Believe me, I am a social worker. I understand the extenuating circumstances, but honesty is still the best policy- so get out and then get your freak on with someone else. Hurting your spouse/significant other by cheating is never ok. Once that person finds out, they are ruined. It's happened to me and it sucks.
I really wish love was enough. I really wish it could be the one thing that could overcome any obstacle, attack any insecurity, combat any addiction. But it isn't. It all comes down to choice. Love is a choice we have to choose everyday and sometimes it's the hardest choice.
I hate shots. I HATE shots. I understand that they are necessary and that we need them in order to be immune to certain diseases and/or get tests to make sure you are healthy- blah blah blah, But I will never get used to someone sticking a needle in my arm. Especially when I have to pay them hundreds of dollars to do it. It just doesn't seem right. Well, in order for me to do my practicum in the fall, it was necessary. I also had to pee in a cup to prove I wasn't a hardcore drug user. All in all today was a very exhausting day full of waiting (a long time), peeing and poking (I was the one being poked. . . by needles). I just have to keep telling myself that it is a means to an end, this is all part of the plan and when it's done, I will have a piece of paper that says I MASTERED social work.
Doing nothing has started to take it's toll. I stay up until 4am almost every night. I am either reading or watching Heroes. Good thing there isn't a pee test to determine if you are addicted to a TV show, because if there was one I would be in trouble. In the past two weeks I have finished season one and half of season two- I just need to finish it and then I can walk away. I mean, I could really quit anytime, but why quit when you are so close to finishing? I think I should be given a certificate stating Angie hereby completed season 1 and season 2 of Heroes, then I would at least feel like I had accomplished something. Ah well, I took this time off to do nothing and that is what I am doing. Nothing of importance anyway.
Although I did play rockband the other night with some friends and I can pretty much sing anything on expert without failing. How many people can say that? Hmmm, maybe a lot. Don't worry, I am not waisting away my life. Sometimes I even go outside and ride my bike.
I am not even a little bit ashamed to say that I thought this movie was so so funny.
I am going to go out on a limb and say that it was the best use of a Phil Collins' song in a movie. . . ever. Just try to dispute that- you can't. And it reminded me how awesome this song really is:
I had no idea the video was so inspiring, especially at minute 3:26. And why not add the gorilla video to make this blog post the very best it could be?
Tommy called and read me your blog without telling me it was a farce. It scared me so much, I am still not over it (20 min later). I had to take another xanax. I know he should have told me first that it was a joke, but he didn't. I'm not mad at him, but with you I went from terrified to mad as hell.
I think I may have had the most insane day of my life. Someone complained about my blog being boring (spencer) and he was right. So all day long as the insanity happened, I kept thinking "I have gotta blog about this." It started off with my car, my stupid stupid car. It has been acting up forever. I was trying to go and meet a friend for lunch and as I was parking, my car lurched into a fountain. Talk about embarrassing. I thought I was going to have to get it towed out and EVERYONE was looking at my crazy driving, but I swear it was the car. It was like possessed or something. So I was able to reverse out of the fountain, not without grinding noises and more looks. But as I was reversing out of the fountain, the car wouldn't stop. Seriously, I tried everything- it was stuck in gear and the breaks were not responding. I even pulled the emergency break- but nothing happened, I kept going. The resturaunt where I was supposed to meet my friend was right behind me. People were eating outside on the patio and my car was heading right for them!!! I kept praying "Please don't let me hit anyone, please don't let me hit anyone!" Well I hit the restaurant, but everyone jumped out of the way. But my car was smashed and the front of the restaurant was smashed. I wasn't hurt, but I sure was embarrassed. When I finally got out of the car, they had me wait in the lobby for the police and the ambulance to come (they said it was necessary protocol). Now I know this story can't get any weirder, but who was in the lobby with me? DR. PHIL! I am not lying. He saw the distress on my face and started talking to me. Somehow it came up that I was thirty and single and Dr. Phil started giving me advice! He was telling me to "get myself out there" and to "stop being so picky". All things I have heard before- he gets paid a billion dollars for this advice? I could do that.
Well, needless to say, I woke up. And when I realized it was just a dream I was SO bummed that I didn't have an exciting story to blog about. So I did anyway.
This is gonna be a long one. Sorry that it has taken me so long to post. But I have been BUSY busy. Guess who is a grad student now? Yep, it's totally me. This week I have been attending my bridge class at the U. I am getting my masters in social work and because I have my BSW, I can get my masters in one year, but I have to take a week long course (this week). So Tomorrow is my last day of my first week of grad school. Exciting. I quit my job last Friday and tomorrow is my last day of school until the 25th of August, so I have an entire month to be free free free. What should I do? Any suggestions? I plan to read a lot, but think an awesome trip should be added to the plan. Don't you?
Tonight was the free concert at the Gallivan Center. Josh Ritter and Andrew Bird performed and it was awesome. I got out of class and took trax to the Gallivan center so that I could save a nice spot for everyone I knew and then some. I got there at 4:30 and was able to see Josh Ritter's sound check. He played some extra songs just for the few of us sitting there. It was nice. I took a few pictures, along with this video of a cool, old and possibly drunk guy dancing. It was hot outside, but I'm so glad I was there early.
The best song of all though was when Josh Ritter sang Best is for the Best during the sound check. It spoke to me and I needed it.
Andrew Bird was really good too. He can whistle like no other and I boogied a bit. Here are some pictures from the night.
Here's Josh. If I wasn't sure I would be arrested, I probably would have tried to kiss him on his cute scruffy face.
Here is Jesse dipping me, sorta against my will. But I still love him. My boobs look large in the next one. I am just saying.
I was glad to hang with Breckan and Spencer for a bit too. It's just nice to be around them.
Ok, so I am normally not a big fan of the fourth of July. It just hasn't been the best holiday for me. I think it started when I was 8. My family had a picnic at a park and I was doing a penny drop from some monkey bars- well I attempted to do a penny drop anyway. I didn't know that there was jagged cement under my head and when I dropped- I cracked my head open. I can't remember how many stitches I had, but I remember I couldn't swim for a few weeks and it pretty much ruined my summer.
Another 4th of July I was proposed to by my boyfriend- which is a good thing- but then that relationship ended dramatically and badly, so that made it not so good.
I also hate going to see fireworks- the crowds, the babies crying, the stupid guy yelling "fire in the hole!" I just don't enjoy it most of the time.
This year was an exception. A group of us decided to have a BBQ at my house and just do our own thing and I loved it. Damien was a great fireworks director- hot dogs, Popsicles and jello salad. I like not having to go anywhere, it was awesome.
You'll notice that every time I can't sleep, I change my blog background. Don't worry, I have accomplished other things as well- such as, studied from "preach my gospel", read a couple chapters in "what is the what", cleaned my room, etc. I just can't seem to sleep. My room is very nice due to the AC put in last week and I have taken at least three different pills (2 were Excedrin PM). I thought I had this beat. Now I am just going to be miserable tomorrow.
How do you turn your brain off? I think my switch broke.
