I have been feeling really introspective lately. I am sure it has something to do with the changes going on in my life and my completely unknown future. It's funny that things can be so great, SO great and you don't even realize it and then when things start to go a little crazy that's when you realize how good it was. Don't get me wrong, life is pretty good. I am not depressed or unhappy. I just have my moments of wondering what it is exactly that I am supposed to be doing or feeling or even being.
A friend of mine put pictures on facebook from high school. Some of them were positively mortifying (what is it with the 90's and floral dresses???) but they brought back so many feelings of that time in my life. I loved my friends, I loved my family, life was really fun. I thought it would always be like that- or at least I wanted it to be. Now, of course I still love my friends and family. That hasn't changed. But life has changed, age and responsibility has changed and things are just . . . different. I am sure I would be completely annoyed with my high school self. I was extremely obnoxious, but I do miss that idealistic side of myself. Anything was possible. I was going to do so much. And I have, just not the way I pictured it. Not at all.
I have amazing people in my life. I really do, my friends (old and new) are really a part of me and I love them. My family is still wonderful, although we have had a lot more tragic times in my adult years than we ever had when I was a child- some of which we have not fully recovered from. I still love and appreciate them.
I definitely have stressful money woes, wondering where and when I will get a job. But I am educated and I feel so blessed for that.
I still have the gospel in my life- I never thought there would be ups and downs in that area, but there has been. I always seem to make it out OK.
I have had heartbreak. Sometimes big, sometimes small, but you change a little with each one and I am not sure you ever truly recover. Maybe you aren't supposed to.
Sometimes I wish for a crystal ball, just for a minute, just to get a peak at how it all turns out. Until that time, life goes on, the good the bad and the ugly- and I guess all I can do is sit back and enjoy the ride.
2 comments:
Jaren and I were discussing this very thing the other night. We were both feeling a big nostalgic for our days of less responsibility and far fewer traumatic experiences. But then we realized that in some not so distant future, we will probably be nostalgic for the days we are in now. That is part of the joy (and pain) of life. We don't always enjoy what we should when we are going through it. Love you Angie!
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