Conspiracy Theory

I suppose I need to write another blog so that the super depressing one I last wrote won’t be the blog everyone reads and then assumes I am still depressed and moping around. I do have my moments, the weather has suddenly turned to winter and my body would much rather hibernate than emerge out of my electric blanket each morning- but I do emerge and life goes on.

I like my job. I might even say that I love my job. I just love having a job (being able to pay my bills always makes me happy) and I love the people I work with. They are hilarious, fun and smart and I don’t dread going to work each day. I have the best possible schedule for me 10am-6pm. I am NOT a morning person and so this schedule really works. I work at a hospital and I interact with all sorts of people all day long (mostly people who are psychotic, suicidal or drug addicts) and it’s exciting most of the time. Today I was told I was “part of the conspiracy” by one patient and another announced that they were a prophet. It’s totally great.

I have been spending a lot more time with my friends lately. We have kinda been doing our own thing for a while and so it’s always nice when we get back into the habit of hanging out. I have amazing friends. They always make me feel better. I especially love that I have been spending more time with Erin. She and I have been having sleepovers and it feels like old times.

This is the most boring blog post ever. But I wanted everyone to know things are looking up.

Today is Kumran

If I was any good at writing poetry, I think now would be a good time to write it. I am feeling so many different things and I think that it would make some amazing prose or at least lyrics to a song. Unfortunately, that has never been one of my strengths. It just doesn't translate- my emotions onto the paper (or blog post) anyway.

This month has been hard. This week has been hard. Today has been really hard.

I need a reprieve. I need to know that the hard decisions have been the right decisions. And I sure wish, for once, my heart and my mind were on the same page- or at least in the same book.

My stomach has hurt for days as has my head. I am not even sure which thing is making me the most sad because I seem to be sad about everything- or everyone. Believe me, I know I am being cryptic, I am just hoping that some documentation of how I am feeling will be cathartic. I could really use a good emotional purging at the moment.

All that I want to do is listen to Bon Iver and drink chai tea and somehow that is helping- or at least not hurting.

Everything that happens is from now on. Whatever the hell that means.