What is not given to man?

I have not been the best blogger as of late. I have been extremely busy with work and with spending time with a certain someone that my blogging has gone out the window. I may have a lot of time on my hands, since the certain someone and I will no longer be spending that much time together (if any at all).

It’s been an interesting couple of days for me. I have so much happening all at once. My schedule has changed to an hour later (11-7) which may be difficult, we’ll soon see. I am moving out of my house at the end of the month and trying to find a place and that really stresses me out. I find it incredibly nerve wracking. Financially it will be a strain due to the increase of rent (I am moving in alone- which I LOVE, but will make money tighter). Then packing up all my junk and moving it to a new locale will have it’s own stresses. I also might be taking on another job in the mornings; it’s in the works . . . maybe. And now a breakup. Not really the perfect timing to lose my most recent support system, but is it ever a good time?

I’m sad. Of course I’m sad. Things were great and then they weren’t. That’s how it goes; they “love” you until they don’t. Or I “love” them until I don’t. So this has caused me to think a lot about love. Last night, when I was crying and distressed and seeking comfort and relief, both of which were impossible to find- I went to my best friend Erin. She took me in, cooked me dinner (which I only ate two bites of), put me in a hot bath tub, read me a story and cried with me. I felt comforted and loved but the pain was still there- it will be a while before that pain dulls. But she was there right when I needed her.

She read me “What Men Live By” by Leo Tolstoy. She read, we cried and she read some more. It was a beautiful story of love and compassion. One of the things I struggle with is knowing what I am to learn from heart breaking situations, especially when there is a common theme, a common thread and ultimately a common denominator (me). One of the main points of this story was “it is not given to man to know his own needs.” Only God knows what we need and sometimes that is a hard thing to swallow.

The thing I do know is that I am a loving person. I cannot stop loving or serving others just because it could mean my heart could get broken. Falling in love is wonderful and the risk involved is worth it- although right now it doesn’t necessarily feel that way.

I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father knows and loves me and only he knows what I need. So I will rely on him to help me through this and guide me to those things I truly need.

Although, a crystal ball would be nice.